Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
