My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
