Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
