I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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