So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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