im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
