just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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