The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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