put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
