Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
