I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
