Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
