I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
