im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
