You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
