How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
