Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
