I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
