Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
