Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
