this beer tastes like vomit already
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
