if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
