She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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