What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
