i think i have two assholes
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
