I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
