If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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