dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
