so explain again why im purple
no
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
