Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
