it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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