someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
