obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
