If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
