his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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