Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
