I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
