you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
