On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
