Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
