she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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