i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
