my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
