Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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