I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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