its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
