well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
