I checked into jail on foursquare
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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