So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
