He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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